Life In Reverse

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm.
George Carlin

Tedious

Perhaps that is the most appropriate word to describe the current situation now my family is in..."Tedious'" with affliations to being tiresome, long & wearing...sometimes it's just the way life is, as much as we don't like how it goes but we still have to go through with it...just have to hang on for the moment till christmas day and by next year..hopefully they have procrastinated long enough to finlly decide to put an end to this place...this place which has taken up countless time and efforts of everyone involved, all in the end for her to avoid problems back home...now that things have died down back home its time to put everyone's life back in order...

2009 has been a rough year but its all coming to an end soon, please let 2010 be a good one...to start off there'll be 2 new members in the family which is definitely the best news i've heard so far...next is bb being able to grad early is the other good news to know...need more of such inputs! hopefully i'll pull through with my uni and we can quickly dispose of this place asap...

No matter what problems we have to face today..there is a solution, because we have nothing to deal with but our own thoughts...as long as we think that our destiny is in the hands of other people, the situation is hopeless..let me have high internal locus of control to confront problems with courage, boldness and action...

How can we possibly become a strong person, if we have an easy life?? The tougher it is, the tougher we have a chance to become if we choose to fight back...sometimes it really helps to remind myself that tough times never last..but tough people do..

张惠妹 - 人质

我和你啊存在一种危险关系
彼此挟持这另一部份的自己
本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你

相爱变成猜忌怀疑的烂游戏
规则是要憋着呼吸越靠越近
但你的温柔是我唯一沉溺
你是爱我的就不怕有缝隙

在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎反正我也没差

人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎

Saturated

"tough times don't last, tough men do"
this was a saying that was drilled into my head during NS...it'll be over before you know it and for now, just got to keep going and not think of whats impossible, reflect on what can be done instead...in due time it'll be over soon because time is a constant~

曹格 - 掌纹

在我的手心你落下的眼泪很冰
晶莹的泪滴轻轻滑过我的一生
春去春又回我走过的孤独很黑
难忘那一刻你走进生命的瞬间

我不信命我信爱情是没有理由
悲欢的注定在我的掌纹中你在那里
如此的清晰没有输赢你是我的命

春去春又回我走过的孤独很黑
难忘那一刻你走进生命的瞬间

我不信命我信爱情是没有理由
悲欢的注定在我的掌纹中你在那里
如此的清晰没有输赢你是我的命

我不信命
我信命中你给的每个考验和奇迹
在我的掌纹中安身立命是否愿意
张开手你回应
我不信命我不信命我只信你

Unrestrain

mockery? insensitive? disrespect? wrong sense of humour? for some reason i'm feeling stretched..apparently my reaction has gotten me into trouble yet again...but am i really too much to handle? do you understand what i mean through my explanations or did you even know i'm explaining?.. trend is that i'm always wrong?..am i assuming too much? do you see that i'm giving way? why does it have to go the hard way? nothing but a endless pool of questions that flood my mind...perhaps it is really my fault to even have a laugh at things that seems considerably serious to you...do you know even though i might not agree but i'll still apologise? isn't there always 2 sides to every matter? could we not continue to ask for clarification until the other party affirm the opposing's stand? but i guess compassionate honesty gotten the better of me didn't allow myself to bring this up in fear of aggrevating matters and also since you felt wronged...i'm sorry...

listen is what i've been trying to do all along with the goal to understand...not necessarily agree, just understand...Set aside ego, emotions, agenda, and attachment to my own "right" way, my principles....never has it occured to me with pursuing whether whose perspective is right or wrong...just want us to make it and i believe we can be free of controversies and altercation...

1 year old!

joy, sorrow, laughter, tears...and many more...pretty sure we've both felt the full spectrum of emotions..the past year has been a real experience for us, though it has only been 1 year, we have really come a long way to achieve what we have right now...at the end of the day i'm glad i've got you with me...thank u for being a part of my life baby...love you always! happy one year anniversary!!

Cloud 9 ~

Time spun into frantic pace the moment i touched down in sydney on 2nd Aug. Busy catching up and also preparing for holidays of others. Been fruitful over the past month with the series of events i would say that i'm glad it actually happened. seem to realise harmony is based on understanding of who your partner is, but the main catch is it takes both sides to be able to achieve harmony....well i certainly hope we can reach that stage of understanding...currently still on cloud nine...:)

Incompetence?

life itself is a tough journey on its own, so why should we make it even more difficult for ourselves? by letting the demons inside us ride over our common sense always seems to be the easy way out, because to some it just seems to make more sense to feel dismay rather than enjoying the harmonious time... when that happens, a gruesome round of emotional carnage kick starts...end state will always be putting the ones around u in similar if not worser distress...then again we are all human, there will be times when pessimism gets the better of us...and no matter how much effort is expended to curb that discomfort, it never seems good enough...incompetence i say? on who's part? to allow 'it' to become a habitatual character or my failure to give enough comfort? so what is it that can be found from others and not me? it just seems to boil down to one conclusion...
I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH..

sometimes love just ain't enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMwZcuHbch0
Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.

And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
And there's no way homewhen it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

Billy Joel - And So It Goes

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

Forbearance

am i really losing my patience? this virtue that i always thought i have embedded within me..a trait of my personality which hasn't really failed me up to this far...and now it seems that it is getting me into all sorts of issues, inner demons taking its toll on me?...am i really wearing thin or am i driven so? questions flood my mind once again..all sorts of crazy questions to which the answers i don't wish to hear, it might just stir more negative emotions...no matter how much i try it never seems enough...like an never ending avalanche crashing down...

Pleasant Suprise

It was truly a blasting birthday suprise last night...its been a long time since i celebrated my birthday with my close friends around...it was beyond awesome...there was nothing i wanted more than to see the people i grew up around with being around for my birthday...the best gift i could ever get...

credit goes to the people who made it happen, my closest buddies zz and sr...thank u both...most of all my dearest and sweetest baby...your efforts i've seen and acknowledge...thank u so much my lovely bb...i don't need any gifts at all cause u already gave me the best possible present, love u so much!...thank u all once again...

Happy Birthday

to me a birthday is just like any other day, it is the day my mother endure the pain so as to bring me into this world...when mum asked me what i wanted for my birthday, my reply was i don't need any material gifts or presents from her, because she already gave me the best present anyone could receive..she gave me life...thank you mum

youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...growing old is inevitable...with age comes different types of responsibilities and issues to deal with..hopefully i'll be ready when the challenges come in due time...

many thanks to all my dear friends and family who bother to drop me a birthday message...perhaps not all of them actually remember it, but the notion of sending me their wishes means alot to me..

thank u bb, i know that my birthday means alot to u, but like i said, it doesnt need to be special occasions for us to be nice or nicer to one another, every other day should be like birthdays :) i'm just glad to have u with me...love u lots..

Acceptance

Bonds forged over differences between the two people tend to be stronger than bonds formed through things you have in common with each other...perhaps these differences provide some necessary conflict that keeps communication alive by helping to point each of us in directions that you may not otherwise decide to go alone...some of which are directions in which you often find out you need to go...

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.... True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be....happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have...but how far does that go?

i merely wanted to guarantee our places...and i got back a whole lot more than what i asked for...am i being overly sensitive? or is it just a habit of yours to be pissed at me...seems like i have more reasons to hate being myself...am i not accepting you as who you are?? does everything i do just has to be amplified...

Genuine

honesty is always the best policy...honesty is telling the truth even if u think the other person's feelings may be hurt...when u tell a lie, even a little white lie, u are not expressing who u really are and in fact, giving a false impression of who u are...false impressions can hurt any type of relationship...thus to keep e relationship healthy, we need to always tell the truth and forego telling the white lies altogether...

being honest in a relationship also means the need to be tactful when being honest...can't always say exactly what may be on your mind at any given moment...make sure u think before u speak...say things honestly yet nicely...i'll just accept whoever u are even if it is difficult to have compassionate honesty imbedded...honesty in relationships are always a good idea but if we can be nice while being honest, thats the best outcome so that we don't harm the relationship by being mean...compassionate honesty is the best way to achieve honesty in relationships...

this also means that not keeping things hidden from loved ones...when u hide things from one another, a dishonest relationship is created...worst of all it can hurt the relationship, especially when the other person finds out about the things hidden...hiding things in relationships is just another way of being dishonest...

hopefully this will help our relationship progress and become better where we both can learn and grow together..the more compassionately honest we are the more trust that will be built on both sides of the relationship...Trust in a relationship comes from being honest and compassionate not overlooking faults but being tolerant...

Family

instinctual reactions tear apart relationships ...thats for sure...it merely brings up a host of hurt feelings to everyone around it...emotional costs are great....but things don't always proceed according to plans and expectations...people do not always act the way you wish them to act...an inability to control external influences and conditions does not mean u can't control your attitude and reactions...it just does not make any sense to me when u of allow circumstances and people to pull your strings and affect your mind and feelings...you can choose not to let what people say and do affect your moods by maintaining an inner attitude of emotional and mental detachment, and refuse to allow every minor event play with your feelings and evoke anger...

her anger is caused by her inability to mentally cope with situations that happen here.... Blaming others or yourself and remaining angry may appear the easy way out...but that does not solve the underlying issues??

what is the source of all these? up till now it still puzzles me....i'm here because of u, but u are not here because of me...u came here with the intention to start a business which u wanted to do for yourself, and now u have accomplished that already! if u r here because u presumed sis will be here, face it that she is no longer here! she's married having her own life..so if u r that unhappy why are u still here? how much patience and understanding do u need from your son while u battle the demons inside? i dun wish to blow my head off one day to make u wake up and do what makes u happy...is the satisfaction from the business worth all these troubles? if i am the reason u r still here, i will only tell u to leave this place because all i see and hear is not what i want for my mother...perhaps its time u let me go explore the world on my own...let me have my own life...

all family members want for one another is to be safe..happy..healthy...i will fulfill my duties as a son not because i am obliged to...because i want to...as a family we need to work as a unit, so please heed my advices if necessary, i can't do this alone...

Time

FUTURE: I never think too much of the future...It comes soon enough for us to uncover...no one knows what will happen...but the least we could do is to have a plan...although things dont always go according to plans, but at least there is a plan to conform towards rather than not having anything to adapt to at all..

PAST: Never forget or history will repeat itself over and over..doesn't imply that we must constantly bring up issues of the past, but rather have it with us as a reminder when things start to go wrong...the last thing i would hope for is to go through another episode again..it sickens me today to feel like things were somewhat like before..i'm so glad the day is over....

PRESENT: A true soulmate is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today, just the way you are...nothing matters most than being able to embrace the present with gratitude...

"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

RESENTMENT

I HATE THIS FEELING..UTTERLY HATE IT....It is starting to feel like the past again....what difference is there if we don't sort things out together?!?!? Am i wrong in my reactions?! SPURRING ANGER WILL ONLY RESULT IN AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR!!!!!

used to think i ask too many questions, thus i shall not ask henceforth...used to not be able to accept apologies, thus now i swallow any other emotions to forgive...used to pursue matters to every detail, thus i learn not to let my rationality get in the way of things...all these for what? the answer is simple..you..all the negative emotions can only be stirred up by u alone cause u are so close to me...close enough for me to reveal myself....just liked u said, the ones who stick with u through rough times are the ones closest to u...all i want is HARMONY between us...

Carefree

when the world and everything around starts spinning crazily and control becomes even more impossible than it usually is, the stress can eat you alive...Like right now for many who have been consumed by this crazy world with the never ending bad experiences and issues around us....

one is way to hide until the storm passes...it is always easy to hide and hibernate away during the cold strong storms...Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain..

what can't we control? many other things..people and nature...that means pretty much everything but ourselves... and there is plenty enough going on with ourselves so no need to make yourself extra stressed by trying to control the uncontrollable....

when one starts to care what people think about all the time, then it will get me wondering what everyone is thinking all the time... Breaking free from caring what people think is a step towards success...thats how i need to be in order to be carefree...

林俊傑-害怕

我突然覺得有點怕
爱跟生活的一切
你以為我知道怎么拆開
我们的想法落差
我的爱 是說停不能停
已經弄的不能說是曾經
也可說出我是錯的 爱未曾变成真的
也没藏到多少你需要的爱
我不再 去执拙我是谁
我是我在夜裏掉的眼淚
也可說我看不開的 為你我能做的
竟还没讓你相信是爱情 左右你我
而哭泣都是因為爱 也逼自己不掉淚
讓往日不只是有你 这網裏我也撐着 拼了命的守着

Power of Love Overcomes Fear

there are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are...and if the relationship is going right those differences surface...the issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance or kill the relationship..apparently we're doing really at the moment..really love it when my silly girl who calls back to reassure me..:)

empathy...by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself...as long as we remind one another the virtue of empathy..and when the differences are known we must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both...

Fear and Love cannot occupy the same place...its true we both lost our bearings when the r/s ended momentarily...taught us to realise that love can be lost, but the journey does not end there...i will do my best to help both of us walk this path again...i expect nothing in return at all...just let me learn to love unconditionally...

Reveal Myself

often i get feedback from people around me, there's always a trend to the things i've heard..that is a bad rep for being closed-off when it comes to discussing feelings..trust takes time and effort, is easily broken and hard to restore..trust allows both of parties to reveal who you really are...in spite of all the tricks we use to try and impress someone in the early stages of dating, intimacy is founded on knowing and being known...no gimmicks no covers..just being yourself...

it really sets me wondering if i got issues with myself? i know u have been open & honest with me now..sometimes i can't help it though because i know u are someone who will not tell me things thinking it is for my benefit..sets me worried whether you will lie to me..i rather know that u don't want to tell me the truth than hear a lie...perhaps i must learn to trust your response more and not lean towards my own intuition...nothing beats having u in my life...

support

i know u r really vexed with your work, i'll try my very best to help..i'm just worried my best is not good enough as it is not my forte when it comes to that topic...but i feel bad that when u actually come to me for a solution i can't give it to u...it upsets me in a way seeing u so stressed...now the least i can do is to give u my morale support, which i hope it good enough..

at times when you are misbehaving it really gets on my nerves...don't let it get out of hand alright? i really enjoy your company with you being yourself :)

fantastic movie...most of all thanks to my dearest bb who accompanied me to

watched this show despite her knowing she might have to watch it again to fufil her obligations...didnt really see eye to eye with her abt the whole thing of watching it twice...but i guess, sometimes u gotta do what u gotta do....i'd love u to carry on meeting your friends and such, but of all i appreciate the amount of priorities i possess over anything else....

been partying too much this weekend...i'm exhausted and tired...gotta watch out on the amount of parties cause exams round the corner, its time to pull up those socks of mine...

letting go

A virtue i used to possess by lost along the way somehow...perhaps through the turmoil and battles i've experienced..there is a real need re-inculcate the act of forgivness... it is much stronger, not to mention much wiser, than vengeance or retribution...i really need this for myself

forgiveness is not a sweet old lady but a strong, seasoned veteran of many wars.....forgiveness bears a greater burden than vengeance ever could....vengeance lets hatred rule you....forgiveness overrules hatred....it is not only stronger... it is also much more clever and wise than vengeance or retribution.....forgiveness takes intelligence, discipline, courage and persistence and special psychological strength...

What does it mean to give up the title to anger and resentment or to refuse to live under their rule?

guess it means setting free from those feelings....no longer letting those feelings own me..when i feel hatred start to take me in its grip, i need to step out...lift it off...renounce it...perhaps channeling it onto love might be a better solution..i hope i'm up to it... in order to improve my own life...

"forgiveness is not something we do for other people. we do it for ourselves to get well and move on"

crossroads

everyone faces the same dilemma all the time...when we come to a junction without knowing what the different roads will lead to...i chose to walk back the path i came from, but this time i already know the bumps along the way...though i may be cautious, but i'm moving alot faster now...need to listen to my inner self because at the end of the day there is no one else i need to answer to except for myself...

the past week started off really low and ended with a very high note..17/5..happy birthday b..
its an amazing feeling to be able to feel good again...sank real deep into sadness and depression, overwhelmed myself with pessimistic grooves...but in the end it was my own feelings i succumbed to...the magical feel of embracing u close to my chest and feeling your heart beating so close to mine...things are looking up now..feels like i'm being with someone who'll share, someone whom understands and gives in return after taking...

sincerely hope we'll be able to pull through...there is no more turning back now...perhaps the next time we come to a crossroad, we might just take different paths instead of walking back together from where we came from...

what makes people dearer is not just the happiness that you feel when you meet them...but the pain felt when you miss them...

..........

i'm puzzled...losing my senses...where's my ever reliable abilities to judge?? i didnt take away your happiness with me, it got lost even before i left u..do u really want to hear that from me? i'm tempted to make things up...but i'm just too fearul of whats to come...i've fallen again and again...scars and bruises everywhere i see...its heart ripping to be on the edge all this time...i miss u...but i just dont know if patching up will be any different....what makes it different this time??...i just want to be myself now, that just seems so hard to do....

limits

feels like its been going at an accelerated pace...to think that everything happened so fast...time just slips away whithout knowing...passes so fast that i'm able to think back on events and wonder the decisions made...should be looking forward by now..near the point at which something begins to take effect or be noticeable? thresholds?.....

i will be more than willing to hear u out anytime...but i won't know unless u tell me...i know you r tired, so am i...u said u understand now the feeling i had..not wanting anything else anymore...dun sink into depression..remember life isnt about surviving the storm, but to be able to dance in the rain...

questions

last night went out for dinner and drinks..followed by verandah...my soft spot for her....can't help but to agree that she is associated with comfort and warmth...i'm glad that i can still receive it now..perhaps its just too convenient for us to look for one another...if it was back home probably things might be different..

i'm really glad to see her being herself now...at least i know the breakup made her realise things she never knew...now she's finding herself again...i wish her all the best

questions that everyone may not have answers to...there must be a reason for things happening..the ultimate question of "why" occurs...maybe when i don't try so hard to seek the truth life may be easier...

feeling disconnected with my mates from home...the very people i look to share my ups n downs...my best friends...really miss them...hope everyone's doing well...there's only been a small handful of people who have made it to a special place in me...these are the ones i will treasure for life..thank u all for being in my life...

help

felt helpless in that moment...like everyone's gone...there's just no one around for me to go to....eventually i decided to look for her...honestly i didnt want to pick up her call when she called back...but in a way i'm glad i did..actually found comfort when i needed it..though it didnt really solve the problem but..thank u for being there...

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child...and non matter how old i am, i am always her son..her child....u werent there for me during my younger years, i never once blamed u for it, in fact that was wad made me grow to become the person i am now...

finale?

another long conversation...more issues brought up...i hope this is the final draw...i've made my stand as clear as i ever could..i will always have a place for u in me..as my special friend....no one knows what the future holds, perhaps we'll cross paths again..but for now...i just need to be alone...

life's ironic...our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss...is this a new beginning?

accident or intentional?

there are time when i wish i didnt know things...the type of information u just wished u would rather not know of...would make life easier to go by..

received a call that wasnt meant for me, overheard a conversation that does not involve me...things happen for a reason..and i never knew i was erased from her phone just becuz she could rem my num..would u do that to someone u treat as a friend? perhaps not..

i'm starting to wonder if she has really moved on...if my prediction is true, things will have to be dealt with differently..it can't be a case when 1 party thinks of being nothing but being friends and the other is feeling the urge to get back together..

made my stand clear but yet emotions could have gotten the better of her...she's just too young to deal with it i guess...always thinking she would have gone through enough for someone of her age to handle many issues, but when i always pull her back to reality she wont accept it...

it'll be totally disasterous and ugly if i really need to cut off all ties...i really wish things do not go to that extent..

sustainability

at last there is some progress on workload...some is better than none...i need to get thru the week and survive early next week...damm its tiring...really gotta hang on for life...

been feelin unhealthy lately, feels like i'm shrinking in size due to lack of workouts...going for a brutal routines in my workout now, gotta get back in shape...looking good is not the point, its more abt feeling good...perhaps thats the reason why pple sign up for gyms and stuffs...besides exercising is just to feel good abt themselves..personally, gyms or fitness classes are good to have, but without 1 a good workout can be accomplished as well...all boils down to self discipline

on the verge of recovery...flu has been bugging everyone lately, can't believe WHO raised alert levels to maximum of 6 now...watching news makes me think of some movie where pple get into suits and labs working on virus vaccines...hope the world doesn't get any worser..

looking forward

another long vicious day...i hate to drag myself up in the mornings to head to uni...hate to end the day knowing nothing much has been done despite the efforts...when can i at least feel more relieved?

went for drinks after a long day...felt good being able to relate to her again...think she will really make a good friend of mine..well at least i know i'm not expecting things to happen for now...this is the her i should have been seeing, one who is true n sincere in front of me...honestly i enjoyed her company alot..i'm talking to someone real now..

looking forward to my little excursion next week...think it'll be a great trip to get my mind away...from the way things r going it appears that we can pull off the trip without any problems...i made it clear i'm not misleading her in any way...guess she really comprehends my intentions now..

fatigue

been at uni since 10am and only to end the day at 9pm...yet productivity levels were outrageously low...at this rate, i doubt i'll do well in any of the events to come next week be it the test or any of the assignments..only comfort was the results of 1 previous assignment...definitely gave me some glimmer of hope..but not enough to cover for whats to come...

she was honest with me last night..thought it did get on my nerves..i truly appreciated the honesty..but its too late to turn back the clock and trying to deduce what could have been done...you are reverting back to being yourself now, it just too bad this did not occur when we were an item...otherwise it may just work out well...eventually only you have the answers to these riddles...perhaps if the split didn't occur, you may never be yourself too?..i'm really glad that u r better off now...this helps me move on as well...
at least i hope we can maintain as friends....


received a call from a friend who always looked up to me as a big brother, i'll give her the support as always like she's my little sister...i'm really sorry to hear about what happened to her mother...my deepest condolences extends to her family..may her mum rest in peace in a better place...life is really fragile and precious..

emotional lockdown

so much has been going on lately, somehow it just doesn't feel like it's going to stop...feeling trapped, something's constantly in my head, just don't know what is it yet...what is missing in my life now? i seem lost..clouded..bringing this upon myself? too many questions to answer...they say time heals wounds..do they??

been through enough relationship rollercoasters in my life and yet i still can't get a grip on myself.. did i just make the biggest mistake by letting her go?

when will i find the one??